They call me Chicken Chaser…
Before hopping into the Sea of Thieves I sent out a rally cry to my dear crewmates, only to hear the resounding echo of my own voice. To be fair, it was really, really late at night, and let’s face it, adulting sucks.
My wife and I were awake with our 3-day old son and while she tried desperately to get some sleep, I decided this would be a great opportunity to play some games. Before logging in my wife noticed I was a little disappointed that me mates were not available. Being the amazing woman that she is, she handed me the kiddo and said, “It’s dangerous to sail alone, take this with you.” She then passed out on the couch. So, finding a comfortable position, I decided I would teach the tiny tike how to be a pirate! Aaarrr!
As frustrating as the Merchant Faction voyages have been from time to time, I find they are also some of the most enjoyable for me. So, I saddled up to Ye Olde Lady with Spectacles and demanded a voyage. I in turn received a contract to deliver 2 golden chickens to the Ancient Spires Outpost, 6 days hence.
Acquiring my two chicken coops, I boarded my stealthy sloop and decided to rename her from the Ragged Hag to The Battletoad, in honor of one of the best games ever made. I put the name to vote, and having no “Nays” from my honorary crew member, the ship was rechristened and I set sail for the largest island I could find that was relatively close.
Landing upon the shores, I once again noticed a large population of poison-spitting, demonic snake beasts and some pigs. Understanding that there is a feud the like of which the Hatfields and McCoys never knew between the chickens and the snakes in Sea of Thieves, I logically deduced that the chickens would be on the other side of the island, plotting their revenge against the evil snake clan while trying to enlist the aid of the double-agent pig faction.
Luck would have it that I found not only a small flock of chickens, but an extra chicken coop as well. Not wanting to waste the opportunity, I grabbed a black feathered chicken quickly, then grabbed the extra chicken coop and started chasing the golden chicken.
For those who are unaware, the golden chickens must be the leaders of the group. I chased the chicken up a hill, through a cave, up another hill and to the edge of a cliff. Seeing that the chicken had nowhere left to run, I cried “Ah ha!” which earned me a mumbled grunt from the Couch Kraken, but I approached the chicken and grabbed it. The wild chicken chase was over. Only one more golden chicken and my voyage was complete. Standing at the edge of the cliff, holding the chicken in the cage in an image I’m sure was reminiscent of the Lion King, I felt victorious!
Then the skeleton attacked…
…and knocked me off the cliff, into a shallow pool of water…
…and I died.
I then spent several frustrating minutes arguing with the Ferryman to speed things along and let me get back to my chickens. It turns out that he’s not much of a conversationalist.
Respawning, I quickly ran back to where I had died, only to find an empty chicken cage. Cursing my luck, I picked up the empty cage and ran back to where I had seen the other chickens. I grabbed another black feathered chicken and made the two trips to take them both back to the ship. Grabbing the empty chicken coop I set about searching for another golden chicken… and found another empty chicken coop. I grabbed a red chicken and ran it back to the ship. I had learned that lightning and chickens don’t mix well so I decided to store them all in the captain’s cabin. Safe and sound for now.
I wound up chasing chickens all over the island until I finally cornered another golden one. Victorious I made my way back to the ship and decided to set sail for another island to try my luck there. I set my course, gave the sails full billow and was happily on my way until the skeletons decided that they didn’t like me taking their chickens.
I was rudely blasted from the helm by a large cannonball. I turned just in time to see another cannonball approaching. With a sinking feeling in my gut I watched helplessly as the cannonball smashed into my ship. Right in the captain’s cabin. And killed my only golden chicken.
I quickly patched the holes in my ship and made my getaway. I eventually landed at Shark Bait Cove and immediately saw that this was the feathered mecca. There were chickens EVERYWHERE! I grabbed an empty coop and launched myself onto the sands shore with child-like glee. I chased after the chicken, muttering “Here chick-chick-chick” into my headset like an idiot while chasing after them. My honorary crewmate was unimpressed with my chicken chasing tactics and let me know so by removing some stored-up gas from his body into the air around my face.
With my eyes watering and eyebrows starting to fall off my face from the dose of radiation I had just received, I managed to find 3 more empty chicken coops, which I filled by chasing chickens all over the island, and I also found my long sought after 2 golden chickens. I even managed to get them all stored safely on the ship, this time below decks at the bow of the ship.
I set sail for the Ancient Spires Outpost with 2 days left. Plenty of time.
And then the mother of all storms hit me. Not being too worried about the chickens, as they were all safely stowed below decks, I decided to brave the storm. I had only been in two others and they weren’t too bad, other than one of my crewmates being blasted off the deck and having to make friends with the sharks.
This storm was different.
Before the storm started I had a clear view of the outpost, way off in the distance and clear sailing to it. When the storm rolled in my visibility was cut to almost nothing and I could hear my ship straining and creaking with the storm’s fury. Then I heard cracking sounds. I thought it was just the lightening. I was wrong.
My poor sloop is being tossed about in the waves, my compass is spinning like it’s possessed, my sails can’t decide what direction the wind is coming from, but all-in-all I think I’m doing okay. That is until I noticed that my ship was slowly sinking in the water.
Panicking, I ran below decks to find all my chickens half drowned and several holes in my ship. I quickly gathered my two golden chickens and put them in the cabin, then ran below decks with rather loud murmurs of “Oh god, oh god, oh god! C**p!” and the sounds of more than a half dozen chickens squawking.
This awoke the Couch Kraken, who turned to me and said “Shhhh!”
“Damn it, woman, no! Don’t shush me! My chickens are dying!”
The water was now neck deep and I was bailing water as fast as I could, then patching a hole, then bailing more water. This process continued for some time. Eventually the storm passed, just like the chickens that had all drowned in their cages. All except the two golden ones.
I finally sailed into port and I was in a fowl mood when I got there. I delivered my chickens and tried to sell the empty cages to the merchant lady. She didn’t want them. Apparently a large metal cage is useless without poultry in it.
My honorary crewmate let his displeasure at not being able to sell the empty cages be known by blowing out his diaper.
A pirates life for me…
For other adventures, follow the links below:
DO Not Laugh (https://www.seaofthieves.com/forum/topic/40513/do-not-laugh)
Episode 2 (https://www.seaofthieves.com/forum/topic/41447/the-water-weasel-episode-2)
Chickens, Blunderbusses and Overwhelming Firepower (https://www.seaofthieves.com/forum/topic/46492/chickens-blunderbusses-and-overwhelming-firepower)
