Here’s another episode of the brave crew of the mighty Water Weasel.
My crewmates and I visit a nearly blind, creepy, tattooed, voodoo-witch lady who says that if we want to earn her favor we need to hunt down a cursed pirate captain, who is now a skeleton, and then bring back his skull. What she plans on doing with this skull I don’t know, and given her attire I’m not sure if I even want to ask.
Quite frankly I’m concerned that someone’s skeleton is walking around without any muscles or ligaments to hold everything together. That seems like a more interesting thing to study than a creepy old skull…
Anyways, we board the mighty “Water Weasel” quickly load the cannons, drop and angle the sails, raise the anchor, and set sail from the grand Golden Sands Outpost to our destination. We discover that for some reason there are two maps to this quest. Perhaps the cursed captain has a split personality? Maybe the creepy voodoo-witch lady didn’t gaze in her crystal ball long enough to figure out where he was supposed to be and picked two islands at random? Who knows? Either way we’re off for adventure!
This time we as we left port, we kept a steady eye upon the waters to see if the Kraken had decided if it wanted to use us as a snack again. Fortune has it that this time the sea beasty didn’t want to tangle with the fearsome crew of the mighty Water Weasel.
We had smooth sailing and strong winds on our way to Devil’s Ridge and as we approached we saw a sloop leaving. We all hopped on deck and waved at the passing sloop. In return for our generous salutations we received a broadside from them in passing. Ah, the courtesy of the high seas.
Landing upon the shores in the dead of night we ran onto the beaches searching for the dread pirate captain. It’s dark, we’re carefully making our way through foliage that keeps blocking our line of sight, hearts beating faster in anticipation, when from out of the ground beneath our feet skeletons erupt. Being the manly brave pirates that we are, we let loose a war cry and charged them! The battle was epic and eventually the captain showed his shiny skull.
I decided to switch to my blunderbuss to finish off the boney captain and found myself holding a cannonball. Confused, I tried to switch back to my saber, only to find myself still holding a cannonball and my health quickly diminishing. Panicking I pressed every button I could but still couldn’t drop the damn cannonball! I couldn’t even throw it!
Watching my health bar drop from “Hey, you should be worried” to “EAT A BANANA NOW!” I brought up my item wheel and yanked out a banana, noticing that all my items were gone except for wooden planks, bananas and cannonballs. Backpedaling as quickly as possible, I scarfed a couple bananas and quickly tried to figure out my options. I have 3 bananas, 5 wooden planks and 8 cannonballs. Well, MacGyver I am not and I do the only brave thing a pirate can do when faced with situations such as these.
I run.
Screaming for my crewmates.
Just like a brave little girl.
As I’m running along the beach my health keeps dropping because apparently these undead b******s have remembered that they have guns. The know how to shoot these guns. By the time I get far enough away to avoid getting shot any more, my hindquarters have enough buckshot in them to reload my own blunderbuss, if I could access it.
That’s when I hear an odd hissing sound.
… and step on a snake…
A big, hissing snake that took offense to my boot upon its backside. My health went from “EAT A BANANA NOW!” to “Matey, just put yer head between your legs and kiss yer @$$ goodbye.”
So, running from the demon-spawn-poison-death-beast and screaming into my mic like the brave little girl I was channeling, I headed for the ship, restocked on bananas, replenished my health, and waited for my crewmates to finish the job.
All this for a glowing, creepy skull that whispers to you.
Retrieving the skull, we set sail for the next island and I realize that the reason the creepy skull is whispering to us is because it’s lonely. Being the friendly pirates that we are, I decided to strike up a conversation with the creepy skull. Apparently the creepy skull is a selfish conversationalist because it had no interest in what I had to say and only wanted to talk about itself, interrupting me the whole time. Annoyed, I decided it could spend some time in the brig for its bad behavior.
Now aware that my only options for helping my crewmates out on the next island were jack and… squat, I decided to bravely stay aboard the ship and keep an eye on the horizon.
And listen to their screams as they fought a horde of creepy, laughing skeletons intent on murdering them.
Eventually we retrieved another creepy whispering skull and I thought the two skulls could spend the return voyage talking to themselves in the brig.
Somehow the voodoo-witch lady forgot to tell us that the creepy skulls had other supernatural powers beyond just being creepy and glowing.
Proudly manning the helm of our mighty ship, I notice the skies go dark. I quickly check the water for Krakens, only to discover that the compass on the ship is now about as useful as a waterproof towel. It’s only then that we discover that the creepy skulls haven’t been whispering to each other, they’ve slowly been chanting a spell of black magic to conjure the Storm From Hell! Lightning cracks so loudly that I feel myself p*e a little and a blast hits the deck not 10 paces from where I’m standing.
Whew, I think to myself, That was a close one.
ZZAAAAPPP! BOOOOOOM!
From out of the corner of my eye I see a blackened, smoking corpse that somewhat resembles one of my crewmates flying off the deck and towards the water. Confused, I look back to where he was standing just a second ago and see a very large, black scorch mark.
One of the crewmates starts to play “Flight of the Valkyries” and I wipe a tear from my eye in remembrance of our bravely departed crewmate. Who, by the way, was waving and screaming madly at us to turn the ship around and pick him up.
Never fear though, he made friends with a dolphin that turned out to be a shark in disguise. Tricky fish, those sharks.
We fought our way through the storm, and frazzled and looking like drowned rats, we give the creepy voodoo-lady the skulls she wanted. Pleased with our efforts she gave us some shiny, clinky coins and we decided that we’d had enough adventure for one day.
For other adventures, follow the links below:
DO Not Laugh (https://www.seaofthieves.com/forum/topic/40513/do-not-laugh)
